Twenty Quotes from The Simpsons That Prove This Show is THE GREATEST

I’m going to cheat with this post, because instead of writing something of my own, I’m going to make a list of quotes from The Simpsons. #SorryNotSorry. I love The Simpsons, and in its early golden years, I’m not sure there’s ever been a better written show on television. In its best moments, The Simpsons is clever, smart, self aware, and satirical. To prove that, here are some quotes from The Simpsons that I always find myself thinking about/quoting/generally obsessing over.

PS: I’m feeling so lazy today that I’m not even going to post blurbs with these quotes. I’m only posting quotes. LOL. To be fair, it did take a while to nail down these quotes, but yeah, still pretty lazy stuff. I can’t be tamed. I promise to actually write something tomorrow. Maybe. If I’m feeling up for it. We’ll see.

This still counts though!

  1. Bart: “No offense Homer but your half-assed under parenting was a lot more fun then your half-assed over parenting.” Homer: “But I’m using my whole ass.”
  2. “I didn’t think it was physically possible, but this both sucks and blows.” -Bart Simpson
  3. “You are Lisa Simpson.” – Mr. BergstromImage
  4. Bart/Homer: “Eat my shorts, Shelbyville! EAT MY SHORTS!” Ned: “Yes; eat all of our shirts!”
  5. Lisa: “In the Northern Hemisphere water always drains counter-clockwise. It’s called the Coriolis effect.” Bart: “No way. Water doesn’t obey your rules. It goes where it wants. Like me, babe.”
  6. “I gotta go. My damn wiener kids are listening.” – Homer Simpson
  7. Homer: “How dare you torture my children with Mozart!” Sideshow Bob: “You know Mozart?” Homer: “I CALL ALL MUSIC MOZART.”
  8. “You go through life, you try to be nice to people, you struggle to resist the urge to punch ’em in the face, and for what?” – Moe
  9. “I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming!” – HomerScreen Shot 2015-05-06 at 6.40.50 PM
  10. “Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is: never try.” – Homer
  11. “Suppose we’ve chosen the wrong god. Every time we go to church we’re just making him madder and madder.” – Homer
  12. “Hey, since when is Christmas just about the presents? Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of this day? The birth of Santa?” – Bart
  13. Groundskeeper Willy: “Boy… you read my thoughts! You’ve got the Shinning.” Bart Simpson: “You mean ‘Shining.'” Groundskeeper Willy: “Shhh! You want to get sued?”
  14. Bart: “I’ll go disguised as you.” Lisa: “What if he wants to hold hands?” Bart: “I’m prepared to make that sacrifice.” Lisa: “What if he wants a kiss?” Bart: “I’m prepared to make that sacrifice.” Lisa: “What if he—” Bart: “You don’t want to know how far I’ll go.
  15. “Everything’s coming up Milhouse!” – MilhouseScreen Shot 2015-05-06 at 7.08.33 PM
  16. Lisa: “It’s awful being a kid. No one listens to you.” Grampa: “It’s rotten being old. No one listens to you.” Homer: “I’m a white male. Age eighteen to forty-nine. Everyone listens to me! No matter how dumb my suggestions are.”
  17. Lisa: “Excuse me. Ms. Lovell? I’d like to talk to you about Malibu Stacy.” Stacy Lovell: “Do you have any idea how many kids have tried to track me down?” Lisa: “Am I the first?” Stacy Lovell: “… Yes.”
  18. “Oh no, the dead have risen and they’re voting Republican!” – Lisa
  19. “I’ve done everything the Bible says — even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!” – Ned Flanders
  20. “Attention, students, this is Principal Skinner, your principal, with a message from the principal’s office. Report immediately for an assembly in the Butthead Memorial Auditorium. Damn it, I wish we hadn’t let the students name that one.” – Seymour Skinner
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